valentines day

shhhoooccckkksss this is the most ridiculous valentines day ever... i wont forget this... wanna know why?? i went out with my friend( a girl friend).. We're both single... hahaha.. we ate at Mcdonalds... and everything that we saw there is all about lovers.. (hate it so much!!).. Honestly we felt sad... super sad... :(

938th day: still the same

How's my day? I woke up this morning thinking about him(omg!! again!! nothing new!). This day is just like any other normal days, going to school, listening to the professor, talking to my friends, and laughing, laughing, laughing (as if there is no pain). Ooopppzzzz... i forgot, almost everybody in the school is talking about Valentines Day ( i didn't even notice that this coming Sunday, it is Lovers day) ouch,, definitely "LOVERS", i just REMEMBER HIM, AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! If we're still together, i think i'll be excited for that day.. but obviously, i'm BITTER(i admit).. harhar. Maybe i'll just spend that day going to church in the morning, then staying in our house(whole day), plans can be changed depends if my friends ask me to hang out.. :D

937th day

Today is the 937th day since we broke up.. but i was still in the process of moving on(sad to say T_T). Many of my friends who visits my blog asked me, "why all of my poems(three poems which is made by me)was all about a broken love story", i answered them "it's all because, that's what i feel". It's so hard for me to write something about a happy love story. I cant remember the feeling of being love by somebody.

937 days(almost 3 years) was not enough for me to finally move forward. It's hard to admit that until know, I'm still trapped on our memories. I'm still stuck at the point where he left me. No progress, no development. I'm still that girl who cries every time i remember him, the girl that always ask herself "what if we didn't broke up?, "will he come back?", "when can i forget him?", and the girl who is eager to know what was happening to him.

a True Friend

How can we say that a friend is true? If he's there for you? If he goes with you? If he replies on your text? If you always hang out together? If he helps you with your problem? Is this enough to prove that someone is true?

For me, I can consider someone as a true friend if he remains loyal to me even though he's with other people. Yes, some people are there to help you, to stay with you when you need them, but when they are not with you, the are just like those bitches who tries to put you down, who says bad things about you to other people. They are just like your enemy, but the worst is they are your HIDDEN ENEMY. You're clueless about their thorns or shall I say "venom"?

I'm so blessed that i have friends that i can consider true... though i'm not successful with my past relationships i know that i'm lucky because i have those i can call TRUE FRIENDS that are loyal to me..

--to all my TRUE FRIENDS out there you know who you are.. thanks for everything.. for making each day a memorable moment.. :D

Still :(

you're still my everything

the song that my heart still sings

a song of broken dreams and broken hearts

that will always tell that we are now apart

dreams of yesterday are gone now

all because you broke the vow

vow that we will make it through "forever"

but you do nothing but to surrender

i always thought we can do it together

but now i can say that you're gone forever

until when i'll wait for you

until when you will love me too

waiting here again

waiting here in pain

all i dream is you

im trying to overcome the pain

im trying not to be insane

living in this world alone

surviving everyday on my own

every time i remember again about you

all i want is to be with you

but no matter how much i try

you always fly like a butterfly

you're so hard for me catch

but so easy to be attach

come back to me again

as if there's nothing that causes pain

love me the way you do before

that is what i'm always waiting for

wishing upon that star

for you not to be that far

so i can be with you all the time

even i know that you are not already mine :(

hard to find

I can’t sleep tonight

Thinking of last night

The night you and I spent together

The night that we laughed and smiled with each other

When that night has ended

My whole world turns complicated

And confusing days in my life started

We were away from each other and separated

Now I’m writing this poem

For you to see that I’m having a hard time

It’s hard to forget you

But it’s also hard to stay with you

I don’t know what to do

My heart says I want to be with you

Contradicting to my heart

My mind says let us be apart

How in this world can I forget you?

When I realize that my love for you is true

But why I will stay with you?

When you just show me how painful to be in love with you

Forget you or stay with you??

What should I do??

Mind over heart or heart over mind??

Answers in these questions are hard to find

healing process... such a long road to take..

1. PRAY and asks for God’s help

2. give it a damn cry- hahah.. Just cry and cry.. there’s nothing wrong in crying… it will help to lessen those PAINFUL emotions…

3. Don’t feel pity about it- it’s not your lost, it is his lost… don’t blame yourself for what had happened.. it’s just part of life..

4. share your feelings- sharing your feelings to your friends or to your family will help a lot… just tell them what happened, if you want to cry then cry. just release your pain in your friends or to your family, they can understand you..

5. love yourself- instead of loving him why you don’t just love yourself. give yourself a rest, vacation, spa or whatever that will help you to rebuild your self… be more focus about “YOU” not about “HIM”… Just prove to him that you can be a better person even without him..

6. give yourself time- it takes a lot of time to heal… just be patient… healing process is not that easy… give yourself lot of time to let go of your feelings..

7. try to go on a date- meet other people, mingle with them, enjoy their company, and if you will fall in love just let it happen because it’s just a sign that you’re healed

8.See Him- see the one who broke your heart,.. just try to see if there is still love… if there’s no love.. then you can say that healing process is over, but if not, just give yourself more time and more love.. don’t push yourself too much.. just wait and be patient..

__this is only my opinion on how to heal a broken heart..__

–im just a 17 yr old girl trying to heal my own heart–

an advice from my EX

It was almost 2 am when I decided to call my ex. We were talking about each others life. From the way he talked you can tell that he grew up. I was happy to know that. He told me about our friend who’s still in love with her ex but has a new bf, he told me what he had advised to her, his advice goes like this “Di mo naman kelangan ng ibang tao para makapag move-on ka, magiging unfair ka lang sa tao na un kung mahal mo pa din ung ex mo tapos kayo, magagawa mo namang mag move-on mag isa, para sa sarili mo din naman yan wag mong sabihin na di mo kaya, kaya mo naman yan di mo palang kasi ginagawa”

When I heard that, it stroked in my heart as if that advice was for me. He was right, he was definitely right. You don’t need to have someone new to help you; you can do it on your own, you can do it for yourself. It is too selfish to be on a relationship when you know that you don’t love your partner completely. You don’t need to pretend, all you need is to try it on your own. Isn’t nice to start a new relationship when you know that you’re giving your 100% love? Rebound relationships will only cause pain. You can’t move forward if you will not let go of your past. You can’t love completely if you still don’t want to let go of your feelings for your ex. It is your choice, wait until you’re able to love someone completely? or be on a relationship and push yourself to pretend? Be real or be a pretender? be single or be in a rebound relationship? Just remember, it is your heart that will decide for what you feels not your mind. It is your heart that feels it. Maybe you can cheat on others but not on your own heart.

–my choice is to be single until I’ve totally move-on. I know I can do it for myself even though I don’t know how long it will take. I can make it on my own

where do you belong?? which one are you??

I have read another parable in the bible… At first, I cant understand its meaning.. But while I continue reading it I realize the true meaning of the parable. the parable is all about a sower who sow seeds… (Mark 4:3-20)

A sower went out to sow. As he sow, it happened that some seed fell by the wayside and the birds of the air came and devoured it.

Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth. The seed immediately sprang up but when the sun was up, it was scorched and because it had no root it withered away.

And some seed fell among thorns and the thorns grew up and chocked it and it yielded no crop.

But other seed fell on good ground and yielded crops that sprang up, increased and produced. Some yielded thirty fold, some sixty and some a hundred..

What does this parable means?

The sower is the one who sows the Word of God. It only means that the seed is the Word of God.

The ones by the wayside where the word is sown, when they hear the word, Satan comes immediately and takes away the word that was sown in their hearts.

These likewise are the ones sown on stony ground who, when they hear the word immediately receives it with gladness. But they have no roots in themselves and so endure only for a time. Afterward, when tribulation or persecution arises for the word’s sake, immediately they stumble.

The ones sown among thorns, they are the ones who hear the word. The cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things entering in choke the word and it becomes fruitful.

But the ones sown on good ground, those who hear the word, accept it, and bear fruit: some are thirty fold, some sixty and some a hundred..

Where do you belong?? Which one are you??

the one who heard the word but Satan took it from you? the one who heard the word and received it with gladness but immediately stumble?? the one who heard the word but became unfruitful?? or the one who heard the word, accepted it and bore fruits…

Forgiveness

Forgiveness?

Literally forgiveness means process of ceasing to feel resentment,indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

How many times shall we forgive other people who sins against us? ten times? twenty times? hundred times?

You can find the answer in this question in the bible (Matthew 15:21-35).

Peter came to Jesus and asked Him, “How often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him “I do not say to you up to seven times but up to seventy times seven times.” Jesus told a parable about forgiveness.

A certain king begun to settle accounts with his servant, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. The servant was not able to pay, so his master commanded that he will be sold with his wife and children and all that he had and that will be the payment for his debt. The servant fell down before his master saying “Master, have patience with me and I will pay you all.” Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. The servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denary. He laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying “Pay me what you owe!!”. His fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, “Have patience with me and I will pay you all.” His fellow servant was not able to pay him so he went and sent his fellow servant into prison. When his master knew it, he had called him, said to him “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you?” And his master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

The King is God and the servants are us. If God can forgive us why can we not forgive others?? God will always forgive us if we only sincerely ask for it then why we cannot forgive other people who sincerely ask for our forgiveness.

Remember: God will also do to us what the master did to his servant if we did not forgive our brothers from our hearts...